I have been asked often, "how did you manage in that cult for as long as you did? How did they not figure out you were questioning everything and wanting to get out?" The answer I give is usually 3-fold, and for you who are still trapped in similar situations, this article is for you, don't lose hope! Often times the people who need/want freedom are being held back in some sort of way. Maybe you're too young to leave the church and be on your own, maybe you're family ties are too strong, maybe you want to finish school and get your degree, maybe you have no where to go if you did leave, no way to support yourself and find the happiness you long for, or maybe you're like many abused souls in the IFB cult and are living in constant fear of what the church will do, what the church members will think, or even what your family will think if you leave. I have been in every single one of those situations, but remember what the writer of Hebrews says, "I will not fear what man will do to me". Don't give up, "behind the clouds the sun is still shining", there is a way if you persevere and never give up. First: Recognizing the cult Realizing you are in a cult and in a place that you don't want to be in is the first step. Many do not make it this far, if you are here, congratulations! The cult has not completely won you over, there is hope, there is freedom, you can still think for yourself, you still have a free will to say no, to question, to think, to make decisions. This is the thing that cults like the IFB are most scared of, people having their own thoughts, making their own decisions, questioning everything and looking for ultimate happiness. Everything in the IFB cult is run like a mind game, they control how you think, how you feel, your emotions are like a marionette puppet dancing to their own sacred tune. They tell you not to question anything but "take things by faith" and believe the cult, the spiritual leaders that are put in your lives "for a reason". They will bend the Scriptures to their interpretations, they will use Scripture against anything they don't agree with and make you feel like every natural feeling, emotion and habit you have as a human are contrary to what God wants us to be like. The cult monitors reading material, listening material, where you go, what you do, where you work, what you watch/don't watch, even what you have in your house as forms of entertainment (tv's, games, electronics, even the use of internet). So many times Falls Baptist told people to get rid of things, to burn things, to "cleanse your houses of worldly things" so as to eliminate temptation and destroy the temptation so no one else would be tempted. Teen revival conferences always ended with huge bonfires, teens were told that all the things that were preached against (clothes, magazines, CD's, video games, DVD's, books, game stations, etc. etc.) must be brought to the final service and burned in the huge bonfire if they wanted to obey God and see His blessing on their lives. Most teens were so scared to do anything else, I saw thousands of dollars worth of stuff burned over the years, a lot of collector stuff, expensive music and clothes, books and video games/game consuls. It is hard to imagine that a few weeks down the road those teens wouldn't regret destroying all of their earthly possessions, I knew I would. Our youth pastor had an ever present "sin bin" sitting outside his office, and if teens were convicted during the week of sinful things they owned at home they were instructed to bring them into the church and put them in the "sin bin". Supposedly the youth pastor destroyed the things that were dropped off, I never saw that actually happening, maybe that was just another thing we had to "take by faith" and "trust the spiritual leaders in your life". I always questioned the way they treated the teens of the church and the "unsaved" teens from the community. I was uncomfortable with how they made us feel during preaching, during Sunday School, how they always preached on "sin" and hell, and how horrible teens and the world were, hardly ever was there good news in the preaching, but questioning those things is what gave me the "rebellious" yet independent mindset. I wasn't going to take everything they said "by faith", I needed to test things out, question things, find answers on my own. Questioning things done and said in the IFB is the first step to freedom, that is one of the main things they teach against because they know how powerful the unhindered mind of any individual can be. You've heard the phrase "they pulled the wool over their eyes"? This is exactly what Falls and similar churches in the IFB do, they desensitize you, they make you blind to your own feelings and desires, they burn everything that is unique to you out of your system until you become a mindless cookie-cutter robot, just following their commands and believing/saying everything they tell you to. If you are unhappy, unfulfilled, looking for something more, the IFB is not going to fulfill that need for you, you need to get out and find those answers yourself outside the walls of such cults. Second: Using your game face One of the hardest things to do while in a cult like the IFB is to put on your "game face". I learned to be very good at this over the years, but it did not come easily. If you showed up at the church with "rebellious thoughts" or actions or talk you were immediately noticed, pulled aside by either peers or authorities, talked to or given some sort of demerit or marking on your scholarly standing. Like others have mentioned before, if the authorities and school don't see you bending and conforming to their standards and their rules, they will make it educationally impossible for you to advance, do well and even graduate. The key to staying under the radar is to always keep your game face on. Oftentimes I felt like an undercover spy out of a movie, and often it was almost like that. Pretending to conform and do everything right to keep authorities and peers at bay, focusing on things that will ultimately get you out of there (for me it was graduation), and not letting them see the inner struggle, the questions, the "worldly" thoughts. For many years I worked side by side with the highest authorities in the church/school. I worked as a music assistant to the pastor's kids, I was the "go to" person for things they didn't have time to do, I was their "gopher", I would organize and set up, clean and copy, teach and fix instruments, run errands, you name it. I did so for many years all while keeping my game face,knowing that someday soon I'd be out and have the freedom I wanted. Even towards the end of my time at Falls I was going on secret dates (one of the boldest most exhilarating things I had done thus far), but when I was back at church I was just the simple music student/music assistant/nursery assistant person I had been for years. I had guy friends I would talk to secretly, friends outside the cult that I would talk to, clothes I'd wear when I was home alone without the scrutiny of my sisters and parents, I had dreams and desires and Falls wasn't going to take those away from me. So many, many times I almost crumbled under the pressure, I almost gave up and gave in to their emotional abuse, but every time I was on the brink I would remind myself, "you are strong, you are brave, you are unique, you are better than that", and I'd pull up my boot straps and keep going. So much of what the IFB does is a mind game, but if you can beat them at their own game they can't control you! Using your "game face" may seem like a cheap way out, but in reality it's the only thing that kept me undercover for as long as I was. For me, my game face was showing up at church/school with the required attire, walking the "correct" way (yes, I was told I walked in a worldly, seductive way so many times), wearing the right shoes, playing the right kind of music, having the right kind of Bible, taking the right amount of sermon notes, giving the required amount of money to the offering (or at least making it look like I did), having the right kind of friends, sitting in the right seat when seats weren't assigned (yes, they assigned seats in school based off how spiritual they thought you were, after my first few weeks I was never assigned to sit next to guys again), going above and beyond my tasks/jobs, and above all, keeping my chin up and that smile on my face. People should not know you are working your "game face", Some people are so good at game face people don't even realize the struggles that most people are going through. Kids struggle with depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide even, but if that was at all brought up at church the authorities would be all over that claiming you were being controlled by Satan and you weren't living surrendered to God and the church. Most times the church lives in oblivion to everything around them but their little church organizations, their own feelings and emotions, their own "Christian highs" (which is actually a thing). I am not making stuff like this up, this is very serious and actually happens. I have kids tell me all the time that they "just want to die", and "if I die things will be much better", or kids that almost OD to drown depression and anxiety. Game face is so important in cults like this, but if not coupled with the last step it may be the downfall or destruction of those trying to escape. Game face isn't meant to be a long term thing, it's the temporary step to the ultimate goal, freedom. Third: Find a coping mechanism Like any other instance where people are put in situations they can't live in, you find a coping mechanism to help you get through every day. Characters in books and tv shows do this all the time, someone who is innocent is sent to a high max prison, but instead of going crazy and giving into the guilt and pressure, some characters find ways to keep busy, to keep their mind fresh and active, and focus on one thing, their ultimate freedom. For me, most of my coping was through my music. As I said before, it was my music I went to when I was sad, angry, depressed, scared, frustrated, and it always brought me out of my dark cloud. I also focused on things I loved like photography, poetry and reading. I had even started a blog for all my photos I would take on a daily basis, but again this was something I had to do under the radar, according to Falls blogs are evil and worldly and not something a true Baptist takes parts in. Most of my poetry was kept secret until just recently, I'd let my family see a few of my poems that won contests and whatnot, but a lot of my poetry expressed my feelings of unhappiness and longing, and if certain people saw that I would be severely punished by both my parents and the church, especially if they saw my poems about love. Sitting with my notebook and pencil was one of the only times I could say what I wanted and not be scrutinized. Paper and lead don't judge, and for that I was always very grateful. Writing was my solace, it was my quiet among the storm of life, it was the place I could go and be by myself and say whatever I wanted. If I was excited about something, I'd write it down, if I was frustrated by something, I'd write it down, if I found a new sense of freedom, I'd write it down, if I was inspired, I'd write it down. My coping mechanisms worked very well most times, but I can say there were some times that I hit dry spells and couldn't write or photograph, and when you let down your protective guard that is when the cult sweeps in to try to regain what they have lost. Find something or many things to help you cope in the cult and hold on to them strongly, oftentimes they will be your lifeboat to sail the stormy seas of oppression, emotional abuse and challenges. Everyone copes different ways, find the way that is best for you and stay with it, something that isn't tied to the negativity and actions of the church, something that brings you joy and makes you look forward to freedom. Below is one of my many results of putting my feelings and emotions down on paper, if you're interested in reading more you can check out my poetry page here. Peace in our TimePeace in our time, it's a feasable thing, -Sarah Krawiec 6/25/2011
2 Comments
marsha
2/23/2017 09:27:44 pm
:(
Reply
gary
1/1/2018 04:13:39 pm
The bigger question: Is conservative, traditional Christianity itself a cult?
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorCanadian born and raised, I am an independent spirit that has always longed for freedom. I have experienced a lot of contrasting things over the years, and finally now have the courage to write it down. Categories |