This past November marks 8 years of being free from the cult that controlled my teenage and young adult years. I keep thinking that every year I put between myself and the horrible reality that I was living, the less it will hurt and the less I will think about it. I've been out now almost as long as I was in the cult, but let me tell you, the hurt doesn't stop, the memories are still there...
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Just opened my drafts after 2 years of not logging into this blog and found this scathing review that I had meant to publish years ago. The writer was anonymous, and as most brainwashed people of the IFB cult they will defend everyone and everything until the end of the world, but that does NOT make what happens at these churches/cults and less wrong.
Anyone who grows up in an IFB church will know that arranged marriages (to an extent) are still a thing. Nobody talks about them, no one would even admit that they exist but they do. Parents see possible mates for their children, parents talk to parents, boy and girl get set up, wedding bells and years of "happy married bliss"...or is it?
We all have ghosts in our memories, things that haunt us, bringing up bad experiences and memories from the past, things to us that might scare us, causing us to crawl into our little corners and hide. "If no one can see my pain maybe it's not real, maybe I'm making this all up", I used to tell myself, but everyone has ghosts of some kind in their memories.
We go through life meeting people, making friends, making memories, making ties that we think will last a lifetime. We start when we are young, we continue until we are dead and gone. That is human nature, that is what our instincts lead us to...finding people that we are attracted to mentally, emotionally, people that we can talk to, laugh with, enjoy like passions with, or just sit across the table having a drink with. The real test in friendship though, comes when adversity strikes.
Every holiday that comes and goes reminds me of family, the place I used to call home, traditions and memories from my growing up years. Still after 4 years of being out of the church and on my own I struggle with thoughts, memories (some good, some bad), learning new things and starting my own traditions. Today, Canadian Thanksgiving, I find myself thankful for many things...but still scarred from my past.
"It's a paper town...all these paper houses and paper streets, and the people too...I've lived here 11 years and I've never come across anyone that cares about anything that matters." (Paper Towns by John Green)
"What could I do? All my life I had been trained to obey, educated to accept. I could hardly change in a moment..." (True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle)
"An incredible story of how one individual left the Westboro Baptist Church. If this story does not prove that those barriers can be broken down, I don't know what will."
I've never been the kind of person to ask for a lot of things, especially when it comes to money. I've always felt money should be earned and not just given to you, hard earned money is more valuable to you than money that is just given to you. I've never felt comfortable coercing or guilting people into giving money for things, but growing up at Falls, every week it seemed I was confronted about my lack of giving to the church.
"...will God indeed dwell with mankind on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain You; how much less this house which I have built." ( 2Chronicles 6:18)
Over the years I've received so many emails and letters filled with scripture, scolding, chastising, guilt trips, disappointment, accusations, you name it... Escaping from the cult was one of the biggest endeavours I have taken on yet. The night I left was one of the hardest but freeing nights of my life, making the decision to leave everything I knew and grew up with to find the "freedom beyond the wall", but as anyone escaping a cult of that long, I was somewhat unprepared for the emotional and mental difficulties of the coming days.
I have been asked often, "how did you manage in that cult for as long as you did? How did they not figure out you were questioning everything and wanting to get out?" The answer I give is usually 3-fold, and for you who are still trapped in similar situations, this article is for you, don't lose hope!
After everything big that happens in life there is always an aftermath. After a war there are casualties, financial deficits, economic, developmental and security consequences. Even after joyous things like weddings, parties or events there is the cleanup, the bills, calculating revenue/deficits, logging what worked, what didn't. In my case, I was somewhat under-prepared emotionally for the aftermath of my decision to leave the church and the beliefs my family holds so strong to.
Fast forward seven months from my last journal entry and we are at August, 2013. I had been offered two jobs in two different countries in the last few weeks, it would be an understatement to say I was excited. Now the only thing to do was make a decision, pack my bags and get out of Wisconsin.
As I mentioned earlier, my journal entries started to change drastically around the time of my college graduation. I was feeling anxious about the future, I was finally letting my emotions out onto the page, I was beginning to question almost everything around me. The pressure I was under at the church and school was beginning to wear me down. The following two entries are taken directly from my journal...
If you've ever been inside a greenhouse, botanical garden or in the tropical section of a zoo, you will understand how protected environments and filters work. No matter what the weather is doing outside, there will always be a controlled environment and temperature inside, to make sure the delicate plants and animals don't die from overexposure. Much like Omar Khayyam's reference to the "inverted bowl we call the sky", Falls Baptist had a dome of protection around it, a controlled environment governed by the church authorities to only let in what they wanted.
This following entry may shock a lot of people, and though I am very glad to have escaped this Baptist tradition, I can't say most of my friends were that lucky.
Yesterday I watched a very stirring video about putting people in boxes. "It is very easy to put people in boxes, there's us then there's them. The high earners and those who just get by. Those we trust and those we try to avoid...". The world is made up of stereotypical and judgmental people. I am not saying the only ones guilty of this are Baptists, but since I spent the majority of my growing up years surrounded by said Baptists, that's where I saw it the most.
When my family had joined Falls Baptist in 2003, we were dragged in 'hook line and sinker' as I've mentioned before. All of us girls were enrolled in the church academy, and my brother was told it was the "Lord's will" for him to attend the college there (Baptist College of Ministry).
First off, I am not writing this entry to bash rules and say that no one should have rules. I am lover of respect, consistency, moral uprightness, politeness, loving Christian character, etc. etc. The purpose of this following article to prove the point that, focusing too much on rules and do's and don'ts will not give you the results you need. One has to keep the big picture in mind, choose your battles, and not get obsessed with running every nitty gritty detail of someone's life. Saying that, back to high school..
Just recently I came across several articles about the VanGelderen family and the history behind why churches like mine were so obsessed and crazy. Rather than try to sum up what was said in the articles, I've included snippets below. These articles were written by "Liz Woodhouse" with the Daily Kos News.
After spending some time at a church like Falls, you begin to see how they work, you begin to see the small details behind the scenes that actually make up all of what they are about. They may start with something as simple as inviting you to a Christmas program, but ultimately they want you in the church, giving money to the church, becoming one of them.
Growing up I had always been into sports and was always the tomboy of the family. I was a big basketball fanatic, would play every day, in the winter we'd go to basketball camps at St. FX, my dad even built a basketball net for us to practice with at home. I had even considered joining a kids team while I was in Canada, how awesome would that have been as a blue-collar kid!
Life at Falls on a regular Sunday morning is super busy, so many people, so many details, so much music, so many lesson preparations, and of course so much food.
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AuthorCanadian born and raised, I am an independent spirit that has always longed for freedom. I have experienced a lot of contrasting things over the years, and finally now have the courage to write it down. Categories |